IT guy here, it’s amazing what people will do on their computers and say in their emails despite having to sign a waiver that all computer activity at work is monitored and recorded.
I have half the company’s banking, social media and personal email account information and passwords. I know who is secretly banging who at the office behind their spouse’s backs. I know who is cybering at work and jerking off in the bathroom almost daily. At least they tell their sex chat partner they’re running off to the bathroom to jerk off, haven’t felt the need to check the validity of that one. I know when people are having marital problems, financial problems, I even know one person here had their children taken away because their dead wife’s parents came visiting one weekend and found cocaine in their house. I know who is embezzling money, I know when people get fired for completely bullshit reasons (like they just want to replace them with someone younger and nicer on the eyes), and I know who my boss is buying weed and Viagra from (Ahem: the lady who cleans the bathrooms in the morning).
Basically, I have a treasure trove of my coworker’s secrets. I won’t actively do anything with this information, but it’s nice knowing I have the ammunition if something were to ever happen to me (insert evil laugh).
Anyway, for today I am going to release one story.
So, Bob let’s call him Bob was writing to his best friend at work.
I got to say this is literally one of the juiciest secrets I have read at work. Not totally bland, but not overly obscene like the rest that I will be writing in a sequential manner. Probably because this is something I could picture anyone doing if given the chance. I know you will agree once you read it. It is not particularly evil, but it is a misdeed that completely altered Bob’s life. Honestly, it sounds like a pitch for a mediocre romantic comedy.
Bob is a fat geek (Can I say fat? Will society accept me after saying fat? Or will they forever judge me?).
Anyway, he is a typical no hair, lazy looking fat guy who loves his accounting and math.
Back when he was younger, he had helped his family’s friend by taking care of their cat for a week (he only agreed because of their daughter).
Every day for a week.
Anyway, he would go and snoop around their house. He writes that one day he found his female friend’s diary and proceeded to read it. Here it takes a slight twist. He used this collected information to get her to like him, and she is currently his wife.
Right???? Mind blowing stuff of Legends. They have 4 kids now and he has never said a thing. Anyway, he was telling his friend to find a way of getting his crushes’ diary and maybe that would help him to get her too. Ps the friend is the guy in the next stall at work and the girl is the secretary. Who by the way sleeping with the boss’s brother.
I suspect the universe isn’t going to fall for that diary story once again. Lol.
Anyway, like a I said stuff of movies.
Guy manipulates girl into liking him. They fall in love. Girl reads my blog finds out what the guy did. They break up. Guy wins girl back using collective knowledge acquired over past few years of building a life together and probably new knowledge from reading his wife’s diary even while still married and now wins her back easily. Credits roll. I feel like I’ve seen this movie already.
I hope they have a cat, so it can be a cute story if its ever made, just not directed by Michael Bay, because that guy will blow stuff up even in a romantic movie.
Anyway, I’ll tell you another story next time. About my boss. I can promise you it won’t have a happy ending like this one and I will give props to the guy for having one of the best kept secrets I have ever read.
That is if I am not fired in case he stumbles upon my blog.
Hope. It will be mind blowing for you too.